After that first night ALONE IN THE WOODS, I could never have imagined how I would find the ‘real me’ while floating down a river in Maine.
When is the last time you sang?
I don't mean in your shower or in your car where no one else could hear you. I mean, when is the last time you sang with another human being, proclaiming joy through a melody? It's been a long time since I sang with anyone over the age of four, but last month, I sang with Jen as we floated down a gentle river in Maine.
That canoe ride changed my life forever.
Now you're probably saying, "Oh Laurie, don't be so dramatic...How could singing on a canoe change your life?"
Let me explain. I have to go back a bit in time to 'set the scene,' so please, bear with me.
How many of you started out as I did? A vibrant, free-spirited, curious kid?
I always wanted to learn something new, meet someone exciting, visit different places.
I loved to dance. I loved to sing.
My sisters and I used to organize an annual back yard talent show when we were kids. We'd gather all our neighborhood friends and put on a spectacular performance. We held rehearsals, we designed flyers, and we even charged admission. I guess I have always been a bit of an entrepreneur. We'd fearlessly walk around the neighborhood touting our upcoming performance and charging a nominal fee for admission. We were so excited and proud.
I'd consider myself the director of these events. I mean, my sister was way bossier - love you, Katie - but she was way too busy preparing her big daring acts to worry about the details. I was the willing MC, and my sisters, well, I let them do the dangerous monkey bar and gymnastic stunts. My favorite part of the show is that we always sang. I wasn't necessarily a great singer, but man did I ever think I was!
Ahhh, the good ole' days, right?
Then life happened.
We became pre-teens, and the shows stopped. Like most of the world, as we grew, we started forming opinions...usually based on other people's ideas and views. Those opinions and perspectives influenced the notions and beliefs we formed about how the world works and who we "should be."
In fact, that was about the time when I started to forget who I REALLY was, and the beginning of living life through my persona(s) and my perceived limitations. Societal and peer pressures, parental and familial expectations, oh, so many expectations formed and shaped my choices and decisions. These became the boundaries and constraints I set for my life.
By the end of our teenage years, I find that most of us have lost our innocent wonder. We become focused on some measurement of success or the desire to start attaining 'more,' whatever more might look like. We go to college or jump right into the work world. We might think we are 'going for our dreams,' but then again, are they really even our dreams?
Once we get into serious relationships, maybe marriage, perhaps even kids enter the picture, that's when things really start getting blurry. We have other people to live for and other people's expectations to live up to. Our parents get older, our responsibilities get bigger, and life starts whooshing by.
Then, if we are lucky, in our late thirties or early forties, some of us wake up one day and wonder, "who the hell am I? How did I get here?"
I've seen it in countless clients, and I've lived it myself. Actually, the past twelve years have been the unfolding of that 'wake-up' moment. The moment I realized that…
I had NO IDEA who I had become.
I didn't recognize myself in a mirror.
I couldn't remember the last time my heart sang.
So let's fast forward to the canoe ride I took with Jen on the secret river in Fryeburg, Maine.
The Canoe Ride
When we first started, I remember the river was calm and still; it looked like a mirror, reflecting the amazing fall colors all around us. The leaves were colorful, ripe, and ready to 'let go.'
I love how nature is so accepting. The leaves HAVE to die; they have to let go and fall so that when the springtime comes, new life begins. I'm fairly certain that the leaves don't spend all summer fretting about their impending death. It just is. It just happens.
Those leaves, without saying a word, were like foreshadowing prose from a Shakespearean novel. I was ripe and ready for my rebirth, and there was no avoiding it.
We paddled down the river and did "the work" by Byron Katie. I questioned, over and over again, "Is it true? Who would I be without that thought".
Little by little, layer by layer, my truth started to emerge on that meandering river.
We stopped for a snack where the river met the mouth of a spectacular wide-open lake. The contrast of the gentle narrow river versus the open water was powerful. The energy of the wind was causing the lake to swell and roll that day, forming little white crests on the small waves. Little did I know that was where my heart was headed, more foreshadowing.
You see, I've lived such a prescriptive life in so many ways. For so long now, I've been 'protected' by the limits I've set for myself. I've been a 'good girl' and often followed convention, based on everyone else's opinions and expectations. Just like the river banks constrain the flow of the river, I was limited and contained. But now, as I stared at open water, with no boundaries, no restrictions, just wide open space, I saw my truth. The Universe reflected my truth to me.
I limited myself.
I set the constraints.
It was me all along — no one else. I'm the one who chose the safety of the protected and small river.
As I basked in the sun at the mouth of that lake, I touched my TRUTH. I felt free from all the 'shoulds' and 'have-to's.' For a moment, I experience what others might call the "I AM presence." Limitless, free, and perfect in that moment.
And then it happened. Jen yelled, "Oh my God, look at that."
One of the biggest birds I've ever seen flew over our heads; I mean within in feet of our heads. I think it was a giant Osprey, but whatever it was, it was majestic and powerful.
As we chuckled in awe of what just happened, the Universe wanted to make sure I understood JUST how profound this moment was in my life. Not only did that giant osprey fly back over our heads, but it also had a companion - the most majestic bald eagle I'd ever seen. They were flying together, in tandem. Wild is an understatement. I remember Jen looking at me and telling me, "well, that doesn't happen...ever!"
I wasn't surprised, though. Spirit talks to me all the time with signs and symbols, and nature is by far the greatest expression of the perfection of life.
As we headed back down the river, two more amazing things happened.
The first was that I sang. Jen asked me if I would, and nothing in me resisted. It was a sweet song about freedom, and as I sang, rebirth swept through me.
We made our way back, sweetly chanting a tune, and a second gift was bestowed to me. It was like the most beautiful expression of art my eyes had ever seen.
Those leaves I spoke of earlier that were dangling on the branches of the trees; pregnant with death. Those leave had all fallen on the glasslike riverbed and created a kaleidoscope of color. It was like a magic pinata had exploded, and the vibrant color was just everywhere.
Rebirth was everywhere.
Change was upon me.
In the next blog post, I'll tell you all about my extraordinary experience at a beautiful sound bath and my fearless trek to the outdoor sauna...in the dark.
For now, if you have any questions or you've had a similar experience somewhere in nature, comment below and tell me about it! I really want to know!
AUTHOR: Laurie-Elle is an OSYL Higher Self Messenger, Intuitive Energy Healer, Intuitive Guide, Akashic Records Channel & Reiki Master. Her main purpose in this lifetime is to help you hear the whispers, the cues, and yes, even the roar of the Universe. She shares the information that will lead you to more JOY, more ABUNDANCE and to experience a greater sense of PEACE in your life.
Find out more about Laurie and her services HERE.